A letter to you, my child

Monday, February 7, 2011

Dear sweet little one,

At this point, I may only be days or weeks away from meeting you. I'm filled with mixed emotions as I anxiously await your arrival. You see, I was told it would be hard for me to ever conceive a child. I had finally accepted the fact that I may never be a mother, and may never get to feel the joys of being pregnant. So needless to say, when I realized that I might be pregnant, my mind was filled with a thousand questions and fears. I feared that something would happen to you, or to me or your father before our family was complete. I feared the financial challenges we would all be forced to face together since you would be born in uncertain times and a troubled economy. I have feared my abilities as a mother and role model and as a wife to your father.

As this pregnancy nears its end (37 weeks, 4 days along), I have come to accept many things. I have realized that the most important thing that has ever happened to me, and likely ever will, is becoming a mother. And even if something should happen to me before or during your arrival into this world, I am contented to know that, if you are reading this, you are alive. If I am not around, my dear child, please understand that it is for the best, and I could not be more proud to have a child in this world. I cherish ever moment that I get to feel your kicks and punches in my belly. Your hiccups bring me joy and amusement, and I will never forget your wiggling toes and fingers, and the tickling that ensued, as your tested out your little feet and hands in the womb.

I love you, dear child, to the point that I am in tears just thinking about it. I haven't even met you, and yet I feel like I know everything about you. I am terrified of loving you any more than I already do. I've never felt emotions as strong as those I feel towards you, and the thought that my love could be stronger scares me. To be so in love with another human being is to feel truly alive. I honestly didn't know what was missing in my life until you came along, and I am thankful every day that you are here.

I hope I am here to read this to you someday. I hope that we have spent and cherished many days and years together. But if we did not, please do not be sad for me. I have all I ever wanted out of life: you.

I love you, and I can't wait to meet you!
Love,
Mom